Xantoné Blacq

A while back, the great drummer Nathan Allen sent me the text below by e-mail. I just found it a second ago while doing some admin and it just made me DIE laughing. Enjoy!!

A LETTER TO THE BAND PLAYING AT THE WEDDING.

Dear Bandleader:
We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding. If you
don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs. Please
play these during the reception:

A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it
for full ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.

Mahavishnu Orchestra, "Dance of the Maya" and please have the
guitarist play John Mclaughlin's solo from the live performance
Nov. 16, 1972 at Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show
and we liked his use of polyrhythms.

One of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Our guests love
high register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice.
So please play "The Rite of Spring." We like a tempo of about
1/4 note = 93 and transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be so much
more appropriate for this occasion in the slightly lower register.

Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The
Grand Wazoo." The original key of B flat, would be fine but my cousin
Jeannie would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D--she
has kind of a high voice. When my new son-in-law takes off the
garter, please just a little of Varese's "Ionization."
It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over real well.
Much better than "The Stripper."

And for the bride & groom's first dance, please slow things down a
bit by doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better
than "We've Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz."

When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you segue to
Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's
grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the
family.

Thanks for all your help. Depending on the outcome, we'll
certainly be happy to recommend your band to our friends.

We'll have your check for the fee of $250 (minus our expenses in
contacting you of $12.50 ) by the end of next month:
we're a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted
her $1,850 in advance and the DJ had to be paid up front his $2,500 as
normal. Our daughter assured us that your love of music was greater
than your need for money, and that you would welcome the exposure
you would get from playing this wedding.

Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack sandwich and a soda (the bottles are returnable or you can pay the deposit to the butler).

Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests.